You know that feeling? That God awful sinking in your stomach when you know you’ve done something you shoulnd’t, or know something is about to happen and you can’t stop it? It’s the feeling like you’re on a constant roller coaster, and try as you might, you can’t get away from the ups and downs, and loops and turns. It’s the butterflies in your stomach, and not the good ones. It’s the feeling of “This Sucks and I Can’t change it.” And you know what? It really DOES suck, and you really CAN’T change it.

Well Today I had that feeling. Walking the halways of Hell (aka high school) and seeing him. Seeing him talk to her. The her that shouldn’t mean a thing to him any more. Yet there they are. And there I wasn’t. Invisible. That sinking feeling, like a rock in the pit of my stomach. Yeah. And there was nothing I could about it. And it sucked.

Then I got home. Me, who always over-thinks, now had something else to think about. What could they possibly have been talking about? Could he be having second thoughts? Am I just a second thought? Were those late nights and long kisses nothing but him passing time until she came back around? Or did what I saw mean nothing? And, like he says, do I mean something? But I don’t know. No word from him. And it’s that sinking feeling every time I see the light on my phone go off, and it’s still not him. And it sucks. And theres nothing I can do about it.

No worries; easier said than done. Because when you start to care, it’s hard to stop. And you do worry, because it matters. And you’d be stupid and lying to say it didn’t mean anything. And as much as it sucks, I really wish there was something I could do about it…

Michaela Says,

Maybe it’s time to learn to not be selfish. If you really do “love” or “care” about someone, sometimes the only thing you can do is let them go. If they come back, then it’s meant to be. And if they don’t, maybe they were meant to be with someone else, and so were you. Holding on for dear life is only a waste of time and energy. So what are you really fighting for? Their happiness or yours? Is it worth it?

Maybe all of us girls should listen to Marilyn. “A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.”